Bean King
verse for Kyla Wargel
& Myke Luurtsema
Jan 2020 - Jan
2021
Written by Bill Baus Jan 2021
Kings Kyla and Myke
shared the COVID year Crown
but Thanks
to Restrictions
no_live Parties were Found,
Myke Dangled from Bridges Before Quarantine,
and Kyla
dove Dumpsters
while Looking for Beans.
The first Bean King Party in
Bloomington IN, was held 6 Jan, in the Bicentennial
Year 1976, to celebrate King's Day, Epiphany, Twelfth Night, Old Christmas (and
Dr. William Ryan's birthday) at Rapp's Pizza Train, after the Wednesday night
dance. Andy Mahler, inspired by the King
Cake tradition of New Orleans, baked a birthday cake with a bean, assorted
Barbie doll limbs, etc. So began the
tradition of ...
The Bean King, the Bean King,
the King of the Bean
Your teeth must be strong and your eyes very keen
If your portion of fortune containeth the seed
Be ye Man, Maid, or Child, you're the King of the Bean!
Now many have asked that I cut
this song short.
"Let's get back to the party, now there's a good
sport.
While you stand there endlessly fanning the breeze
My mind's on a dance with my favorite squeeze."
Though some will agree that
Tradition is Dear
Many others live but for the present, I fear.
"Your history's bunk," said a pleasant young
pup.
I said "Where'd you hear that?" "Well,
I just made it up!"
Now I may agree with the things
that they say,
But a former Bean King saw me just yesterday.
With the Crown on his head and the Bean on his tongue,
He charged that we leave not a couplet unsung.
Though it's certain this song
needs a little more leanness,
Still, minority rules, when it comes to His Bean-ness.
So let's all sing it now from the start to the finish,
The song that may Augment, but never Diminish!
We're gathered tonight in great
numbers indeed,
Old Christmas to honor, and our faces to feed.
But when you devour this excellent cake,
Beware of the Bean or your jaw it will break.
Now who put the Bean in our
holiday cake?
Prince Andy, the one who fell into the Lake.
He was under for hours but emerged with a grin,
For he'd eaten the Bean and had plenty of wind.
[Frank
Hall Jan 1976]
Now
who was the Primary King of our day?
King Franco, the pride of his mother they say.
She had hopes that he'd enter the plumbing profession
She was close, for he clogs with particular passion.
[James
Chiplis '77]
Now
who was the second-most King of the Bean?
King James of the West, tall, handsome and lean!
He's revered and remembered for doing his part,
A pretty good King with a mighty loud voice.
[Amy
Novick '78, '79]
King Amy was next (though she styled herself "Queen")
Two
years did she harbour our excellent Bean.
But greed got the better of some, and you guessed it
They swallowed too swiftly, and the Bean was digested.
[Paul
Tyler '80]
King
Paul was the fourth, whom they called the Old Maid,
For he drew, not the Bean, but the Lady of Spades.
He studied the classics, collected folklore
At the end of his reign he was sanding his floor.
[Charlie
Weir '81]
King
Charles, "The Weird," as he came to be called
Did little, in fact he did nothing at all.
But nevertheless all the ladies will miss him,
and if you can find him, you can certainly kiss him.
[Tom
Morrison '82]
Of
Thomas from Spencer, this tale I'll intone
For the practical gas-powered shaver he's known.
Under his rule we all swing into spring.
He was without doubt our most swinging Bean King.
[Andrea
Morrison '83]
King
Andrea's fond of her dancing, no doubt
She's the mom of Prince Charles, that bonnie Bean Sprout.
She danced all nine months with her usual vim,
'Til Charles heard "Cast Off," and thought
it meant him.
[Jane
Henderson '84]
King
Jane's in there somewhere (I fear I've lost track)
She attended the party flat out on her back.
When we'd eaten her food and washed it all down, we
Partook of her beautiful Boston Bean Brownie.
[Eawin Schmidt '85]
At
Leslie's round midnight I last saw King Eawin
A bottle of ale he was hotly pursuin'.
He is always up first and goes to bed last
Though his stature is short, his capacity's vast.
[Cliff
Emery '86]
King
Cliff "The Nailfinger" had his moment of
truth
While fixing a hole in another King's roof.
They hauled him away with blood on his cheeks
And they patched up his hand, but the roof it still
leaks.
[Abby
Ladin '87]
King
Abby from Baltimore, really can charm you
Her smile is so sweet (though her laugh may alarm you).
Our heroine Abby cut a figure quite dashing,
Like Nero, she danced while Wall Street was crashing.
[Marybeth
Roska '88]
The
next was MB (which is short for "Ms. Bean")
and More Baseball, the motto of the Maple Street scene.
MB and her Court to Chicago did trek
To see Wrigley's lights and get rain down their necks.
[Lotus
Dickey '89]
Since
Caitlin (the Former) abdicated the Throne
We decided to nominate one of our own.
A right royal fellow with a flower of a name
Though his blossoms have faded the petals remain.
He
filled all our lives with the fragrance of song
With the colors of evenings that turned into dawn
With a deep joy of spring, overcoming the fall
Cut down by the winter, alive in us all.
[Randy
Hammond '90]
King
Randy of Hammond couldn't make it that night
He brought a new baby Bean into the light.
Though the Bean may be old, Randy cared not a jot
If the Bean's pods were withered, King Randy's were
not.
[Dean
Lawler '91]
King
Dean's an inventor of Bold Curiosity
He greatly enhanced the Bean's Imperviousity.
If you bite down too hard, you'll be one of his clients
And the Bean he'll implant as a dental appliance.
[Teri
Klassen '92] [Teri Klassen created
the "Gilded Garbanzo" crown]
Now Teri was known as the MIDAS-TOUCH Queen
Not for over-priced mufflers but gold-plated beans.
With eggnog and wassail she's equally handy,
Her secret ingredient's homemade Bean Brandy.
[Gail
Larsen '93]
Twas the Twelfth Night of Christmas, and all 'round the Lake,
The Sufis were dancing and eating Bean Cake
When out over Southshore
there arose such a clatter
We sprang to the street to see what was the matter
Siri, Teal and Robin cried "Come
here quick Mama!
Look, on top of the Porthole, there's twelve tiny
llamas!"
And good queen St. Gail insur-ed her fame
As she lept to the rooftop
and called them by name:
"Now
Jasmine, now Pekoe, now Cinder, and Licorice,
On, Pecan, and Coconut, Stirfry, and Beatrice,
And Cinnamon, Buster, Wisp, Sassafras too,
And Beany and Raisin, we still think of you!"
[Tom
Stio '94]
King
Tom's a recycler, a shrewd man of business
but a bottle of Home Brew hath caused him some dizziness.
He called me and said, "I did not really mean it:
I baked, not the Bean, but a Styrofoam peanut!"
[Linda
Handlesman '95]
King
Linda, her verse it was really quite nice
Something 'bout zydeco, red beans and rice
But the rest of her verse I will not repeat
(I wish I'd hit save instead of delete)
[and here is the actual verse amazingly recovered thank you
Cindy L. ]
Now
let's hear it for Linda, not a bean, but a plum
Or as they say in the Bayou, "une
jolie bonne femme".
While we're digging out of the slush and the snow,
She'll be dancing and playing that hot Zydeco.
[Rob
Magnum '96]
Flatulations resound for King Magnus the Swell
Who can sit on his pot and throw it as well
A daddy, a fiddler, just one of the guys
I can tell you adore him by the glaze in your eyes
[Grey
Larsen '97]
King
Grey paid the price for kissing a Queen
By contracting a lingering case of the Bean
He suffered in silence this dreadful affliction
And gave a new twist to the "oral tradition"
[Mark
Feddersen '98]
To
write a new Bean Verse it isn't too hard
When you are the Bean King and also Bean Bard
A few flattering phrases [like ___ and ____ and ____] .. and
set them to song
Multiply them by two and you'll never go wrong
[Meisha Smith '99] [Queen
Meisha is famous for her stuffed and costumed
cows, and produced a new crown for Teri's "Gilded Garbanzos"]
A wonderful seamstress was bonnie Queen Meisha
Haberdasher for Charlotte and Lovely Lucretia
Oliana and Otis, Ophelia too
They all "SING" her praises, or should I say
"MOO"
[The Y2K Verses]
As we wave fond farewell to this
Y2K scam
Which was good for no one but the makers of Spam
We naturally ponder the future before us
We can hope "Lamborghini," but be ready for "Taurus"
Will
this decade be known as the "ROARING OO's"
Or the ZZZ-Zeros? Well, the
Bean only knows.
Through the dark of the night to the dawning new day
The
Leguminous Light of the Bean shows the way
[Diane
Jung 2000]
Could
this be the last of Diane the Yung?
No, she's not ready to give up her day in the sun
George BushBean is bush league, Al Gore-banzo's a shmoe
She's headed to D.C. to run the whole show!
[Serena
Sparks 2001]
King
Serena's the Queen at most all kinds of ball
See that MVP trophy adorning her wall
She's so good at games, you can hardly rebuke her
For doing less algebra and playing more Euchre
[Bill
Baus 2002 revised
for "2 Dollar"]
King
Baus was content in 2002
'Cause he kept his in CASH when the DOW went kabloo
He hid it in caves, in 2 dollar bills
And that's why they say that he's UNDER the hill
[Julia
Jackson 2003]
It
was 2003 and December was ebbing
But Queen Julie was frantically world-wide-webbing
"This internet virus is the weirdest I've seen
All my HTTP is infected with beans!"
[Bill
Baus 2004]
'Twas the night before Christmas, on the
Evansville Road
King Bill was out measuring snowdrifts, I'm told.
A two-foot-long stick in a snowbank was plunged
But the rest of this verse is discretely expunged
[David
Ernst 2005]
It
was 2005 and the climate was warming
Katrina and Rita and Wilma were storming
What's with the tsunamis and deadly earthquakes?
"Dunno," says King Dave, "just don't
blame my Bean Cake!"
[Steven
Grimes 2006]
King
Steve is a king of talents diverse
Plays banjo, does math, writes Hungarian verse
And though you may doubt it, the plain simple fact is, he
Baked our Bean Cake on an Ultimate Frisbee!
[Jack
Horton 2007]
If
you want to know railroads, just ask King Jack
Your man on the Monon is always on track
Forget I-69: let's do something green
And run high-speed rail on the fumes of the Bean!
[Anna
Alexandrova-Beauchamp 2008]
King
Anna from Russia came hence so they say,
To do product surveillance in the USA.
In spite of recession Baxter-Bio's just fine,
and Bean Princess Lanna came in plenty of time.
[Len
Tieman 2009]
King
Len had no parties all two thousand nine,
But came through on twelfth-night with chili and wine.
The wrath of his subjects did not make him pale,
For he knew that he'd be protected by Gail.
[Tom
Morrison 2010]
King
Thomas established his second bean reign,
By holding a party on Karst Farm terrain,
But alas son Prince Charles, that bonnie Bean Sprout,
Had pre-registered Dance Trance and so he skipped out.
[Ken
Sutton 2011]
King
Kenneth of Nashville did proudly proclaim,
"Many parties we'll have in the course of my reign".
But alas his new job put the parties on hold,
Since he now drives big trucks long-range over the
road.
[Sue
Riegsecker 2012]
From
Portland King Sue back to Bloomington came,
and fulfilled all the duties of her beanly reign.
Though the fiscal cliff made for conditions adverse,
Many parties she had in places diverse.
[Steven
Janowiecki 2013]
King
Steven star gazing with telescopes found,
That dwarf galaxies with new stars abound,
But his chickens could not lay enough eggs to fill
The two cases needed to feed Sugar Hill.
[Cathy
Meyer Jan 2014]
King
King Cathy spends winter weekends on ski slopes,
And_at parties is known for the pork loin she smokes,
At bird counts she listens for songbirds and hawks,
But at home it resounds to Fluffy's parrot squawks.
[Mary
Jean Regoli Jan 2015]
King
Mary Jean's known as a dancing machine,
She drives far and wide for the contradance scene,
She managed the library friends with aplomb,
'Cause she's more than just a retired soccer mom.
[Anna
Wegerson Jan 2016]
King
Anna from Chi-town to Bloomington Came,
To Teach Montessori to Kids in first Plane;
She's Extraordi-Narily Fond of her Cat,
And the Skunk that lives Under her House, how 'bout That!
[Marie
Deer Jan 2017]
King
Ruth Abdicated her Crown to Marie,
Who_assumed Kingly Duties with Gusto and Glee,
German & French & Span-ish She'll Translate
While she Places a Bean in the Sugar Hill Cake
[Saretta Pope Jan 2018]
Saretta, a Bloomington Native was She,
Decided out West was the Place she should Be,
But she came Back to the Bloomington Scene
because Cathy would Proxy for Her with the Bean
[Connie Temm Jan 2019]
King Connie from Martinsville Dances and Caves
and Paddles her Kayak in the White River Waves
at her Parties she's Famous for Serving Elk stew
with Her homemade Wine and Chocolate Fondue
[Kyla Wargel & Myke Luurtsema Jan 2020]
Kings Kyla and Myke shared the COVID year Crown
but Thanks to Restrictions no_live Parties were Found,
Myke Dangled from Bridges Before Quarantine,
and Kyla dove Dumpsters while Looking for Beans.
Now three Princes shall rule
(though they've failed in the past)
Three parties they'll throw, each surpassing the last.
Good cheer they will proffer, nor stint with the Ale,
Or a life of Safe Sex it will be their sad tale.
[first
sung Jan '94, a Mark Feddersen personal favorite]
The Bean's good with Fritos,
sauerkraut and wieners
Loved by Bosnians, Serbs, even Herzegoviners.
If more beans were consumed by the average voter
It could be the beginning of a New World Odor.
This song by a Man from the East
was composed,
And he wrote it all out on the bridge of his nose.
Though the tune may be weak and the verses a bore,
He hopes you will join him and sing it once more!
Now I've finished with Beans,
and I'll finish this tune,
The lyrical lay of the lovely Legume.
The gracious Garbanzo our palate doth please,
So sing out your part or forever have Peas.
[The 1999 Invitation from Bean King & Bard ]:
A Proclamation from HRBH
and many Lovely Legumes to You and Yours
His Royall Bean Highness, KING
MARK, has decreed
That all of his subjects may Worship the Seed
And Honor the Has Bean and Bring in the New
All your friends will be there, so How about You?
Old Christmas (Twelfth Night)
falls on We'nsday this year
So don't fall asleep or you'll miss it I fear
At Harmony School we will dance as of yore
Then we'll gather to party and study Bean Lore
At Twelve Ten West Eighth Street
(the very last HAUS)
There all creatures will celebrate (even Bill BAUS)
Add Three Three Nine- to the address and I'm told
You can phone for directions if you feel so bold
So arrive 'fore Eleven with
music and Cheer
And if you are legal, a Six Pack of Beer
There are friendships to savor and verses to sing
And at last we can crown the new "Y2K" King
Click here for the
Current Lineage of the Bloomington Beanery
Return to BOTMDG home page.
Copyright 2006 by the Bean Bard:
Mark Feddersen. Updated
through January 2019 by Bill Baus.
Historical note: The Bean Ballad, including the Chorus, Recitative, and the
verses up through the verse for 2007, were written by Bean Balladeer Mark Feddersen (with some revisions due to pressure from some
Bean Kings). The verses from 2008 through the present
were written by Successor Bean Balladeer Bill Baus. From
1977 through 1998 the annual party on 6 January to select the new Bean King was
held at various locations, usually the home of the Bean King.
Starting in 1999 the annual party on 6 January has been held at the Baus
Haus, the new home that Bill Baus built with space specifically designed for
dance parties such as these.